Dear House, I hope you’ll look prettier and more beautiful after the renovation. As much as I am excited to be in an all new-well furbished home, I am horribly annoyed the fact that I got to live somewhere else because it’s gonna be super comfortable. I thought of living with a friend but my mom totally flipped so I guess that option is invalid. I thought of staying out late til I have to go home not because I want to “hang out” but because I really think it’ll be weird in the new home (for the time being). Dear home, I’ll miss you but I’ll be back!!
Messed up Wednesday. Everyday is messed up.
Dear you.
It would be unfair for me to blame you for how i turned out now.
But i have always ALWAYS wondered how it will be like if i didnt meet you. if the tables were turned. if i met no one.
It would be unfair for me to blame you for my fucked up emotions. it would be unfair for me to blame you for how i feel at random times.
I won’t lie, I never missed you at all. I won’t lie either, I’m not angry at you. in fact, i have no stand against you. im just upset with myself for being so silly. for being so fucking cheap. for having to put up with your nonsense.
EVERY SINGLE TIME I QUESTION MYSELF. WOULD I BE DIFFERENT IF I DIDNT MEET YOU? WOULD I NOT ACT OR BEHAVE THE SAME WAY I DO NOW? WOULD I HAVE RETAIN MY CHEERY SELF? WOULD I STILL RETAIN MY NICKNAME - A BUNNY ON A POGO STICK. WOULD I? WOULD I?
it HURTS to know how affected I am. It hurts to know, I’m not even moving on. It hurts to know the past still haunts me. It hurts to know that I allowed myself to know you. It hurts to know how immature and silly I was.
I don’t want to make the same mistake I made. And that’s why I’ve been living in self-denial.
Dear Fatin
I know I have been a bitch, a pain in your ass recently but i dont know why. there are things that happened and probably no one understands why. i cant tell you what because im ashamed. i cant tell anyone anything. i dont know why the feelings returned suddenly but maybe because.. maybe because you remind me of a certain someone.
I’m sorry to even associate you with the certain someone. but i think that’s the main reason. you remind me of a certain someone. and that’s why i acted like a bitch with tsunami feelings and emotions. i acted like a bitch because i couldnt control my emotions either towards that certain someone. its hard for me fatin.
I just need you to be there for me. I know i am rarely there for you either.
And fatin i care for you. not just the plain care. but the care care. the more than real care. i probably never cared as much for someone i just met in school. but i have. and it was a nice feeling.
Dear Jasper T
8 years and counting. 8 years might not sound long for you. but it sure is for me. 8 years and yet we are still talking. that’s something. 8 years, with the “4 year gap” in between because we were in different secondary schools. Did you notice, we never once met up in that 4 years? But the moment we met in mj, it was a nice feeling because hey, i found jasper. but then i found out you appealed to tj. i was bummed. but i was happy for you because you wanted to enter tj!
thing is, we started interacting again. and remember the ice cream “date” haha. or the jog at bedok reservoir which left me breathless. and today’s study date at starbucks. haha jasper, mark my words, ill never think otherwise. ill never have wrong signals. cos i know you better. and obviously im not gonna disrupt our 8 years and counting friendship. remember our conversation in starbucks. what will it be like if we were literally childhood friends, like say, in kindergarten!
jasper, no matter how many times i deny how great i should feel for having becoming friends with you, no matter how many times i think you are gay, or darn lame, I want you to know that I am truly happy, grateful and thankful to have met someone wonderful like you. you have always been the practical friend. the wise one. the one that made the most sense even though it means you’ll be a party-pooper (HAHA). nonetheless, life might be different for me if i hadnt met you. i know i can always count on you. i know i can always trust you. haha it’s really super duper frigging cool that we can still talk and interact with each other WITHOUT HAVING TO FEEL AWKWARD. i thank you for that.
love, your friend!
